Alcohol jokes
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I'd give
it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Woman: Lost it 4
times for drunk driving. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle
registration papers please. Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and
hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in
plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the
woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes
5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car,
clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your
vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a
problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen
this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2:
Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens
the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your
car, ma'am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The first
officer is stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not
have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a
clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the
clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2:
Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license,
that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
